Saturday Night Fever....No seriously I'm sick

September 22, 2007: I've been sick for days. Which is good and bad. The bad news is that I feel like Britney Spears' liver after a 24-hour bender. The good news is that there are a ton of movies on all night long, so at least I can be entertained while I puke my guts out.

6:58 PM Saving Private Ryan on TNT
Say what you will about war, but they look really cool on a 50" flat screen. I switched on just as Giovanni Ribisi's character eats it. The blood and guts look real, which in my current state of ail, is not the best visual. Click...

7:09 PM Beer League on Comedy Central
I am a huge Howard Stern fan, so I thought I'd give Artie Lange's movie a look-see. But unlike the Stern Show which has porn stars and midgets, this is just a bunch of drunk dudes playing softball. And because its early, Comedy Central bleeped out every curse word, which made it seem like I was watching The Miracle Worker. Click...

7:29 PM X-Men: The Last Stand on HBO-Family
First off, how the hell is this ultra-violent flick on HBO Family? Do they mean the Manson family? Anyways, I digress. Here's my take on superheroes. The mutants in X-Men kick ass. They fly, blow up stuff and use their powers all the time, unlike those losers on Heroes, who hide their powers like O.J.'s looking for them. Lucky for me I have the power to change channels. Click...

8:17 PM Serendipity on TBS
Let's see, John Cusack. Awesome. Kate Beckinsale. Awesomer. Geez, Kate is cute. I may watch this one for a....oh wait, her scene's over. Click....

8:21 PM Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen on ABC Family
Lindsay Lohan is a train wreck. She's starting to make Courtney Love look sane. Click....

9:31 PM The Last Boy Scout on HBO
Back from dinner. Now we're talkin. This is a quintessential Movie in the Middle, but I am actually starting at the beginning of this one. Why? Because the first scene is ridiculous. A running back takes the handoff, and as he's runs down field he starts shooting opposing players with a gun. Then after he scores a touchdown he kills himself. Who needs Raiders of the Lost Ark? This is hands down, the most spectacular open to a film ever. I'm spent.....